I'm Tired of Flying, Or Lessons I've Learned Because of my Own Stupidity

 We made it back from Utah after my (Jeff) sister's wedding. How can 1 week seem soooo long? The whole trip was a wonderful experience. Great wedding. Great times with family. Great experiences all around.
-Jeff, did you forget that REALLY pleasant drive to the temple?

Wednesday was our trip home. We flew Southwest. The day was awful. Mostly caused by our own stupidity.

Lesson 1: I Will Never Trust the Online Flight System. Our first mistake was to rely on the airport's delay/departure system, which said our plane was delayed 45 minutes. As such, we decided to leave later than our planned time, so we didn't have to wait too long at the airport. At least 30 minutes later than planned.

Lesson 2: Leave When You Plan to Leave, Unless Your Plane is Delayed (REALLY DELAYED) More than 1 Hour. As stated, we believed our plane would depart later than originally scheduled. We came to discover that the "delay" was merely a suggestion, and the plane would depart as originally planned...on time.

Lesson 3:  Leave Much Earlier than you Planned When You Have to Drive 20 Miles and Return a Rental Car. The problem when you drive is that you have to drive...on roads...with other people...who get into car wrecks. Our problem was a combination of everything: we caught every light from start to stop; we had to stop for a train; we forgot an item at the house; there was a car wreck (with people who stare) on the freeway. It was literally a culmination of misery. It was all most comical how many things could go wrong. It was as if every force of nature was working against us getting to the airport.

By the time we reached the rental car return, we had 45 minutes to check baggage and get to our gate...that's before we got to the rental return.

Lesson 4: Don't Expect People Who Live Where You Don't to Have as Much Concern about Getting to Where You Need to as You Do. Unfortunately, we couldn't leave the rental car place fast enough. When we pulled into the location, some inconsiderate .... sat in the entrance/exit talking on his cell phone, while we waited to pull in. We turned around and found another entrance, but lost another minute. Remember, when you're already late, every minute is precious. Oh, and because of Mr. Inconsiderate, we missed the shuttle to the airport.

After checking in the vehicle, the shuttle returned, we loaded, and...WAITED. Apparently the driver felt the need to wait for someone who hadn't arrived. Fortunately for the driver, the mysterious rental returners arrived. They loaded their luggage onto the shuttle, then discovered they had to fill up the gas tank or pay $35.00. The couple actually debated whether to fill or pay...then decided to fill it themselves. So they unloaded their luggage, and we...WAITED. Finally, the driver felt it was time to leave (funny how he didn't have the same sense of urgency when we waited in the street for Mr. Inconsiderate to move.) On a side note, another couple arrived who were "late" for their 2:45 flight (it was now about 1:10), and wondered whether they would make it. In total, we spent about 20 minutes waiting to leave the rental agency.

Lesson 5: When You're Late for a Plane, It's Nice to Have 3 Kids You're Dragging Along With You. Amazingly, we were able to walk the 1/4 mile from the parking garage to baggage check, and check our bags in about 10 minutes. At 1:22 (our scheduled departure was at 1:45), we left the Southwest ticket counter for our mad rush through security to the gate.

At security, the family boarding was nice, until Vivien's sippy of milk got flagged, and there wasn't another TSA agent who could scan/inspect it. I wanted to say, "I'll drink it and let you see it's safe." I wanted to tell them to throw it away!

Of course, our gate was at the furthest end of the terminal (another 1/2 mile away). We began our all-out sprint (yes, we were those guys, the ones from Home Alone), who were frantically running through the terminal while their names were called to board the plane. Megan carried the stroller and Vivien, while I threw Milo on my shoulders, and grabbed Hannah's hand for our dash. Poor Hannah was  begging Jeff to stop running. I occasionally laughed out loud at the site onlookers saw. Trust me when I tell you this: you do not want to sit next to an out-of-shape fat guy, carrying 90 pounds of weight on his shoulders and back, who has been running through an airport that sits at a higher elevation. It just isn't right. I was so thrilled that it wasn't me sitting next to THAT guy!!

We managed to make the plane, and thankfully one of the gate agents notified "Mike" over the intercom that we were coming as she saw us running toward the gate.  I don't know about Megan, but I managed to sweat the entire flight - in case you didn't read the warning the first time. I must be in a wee bit better shape, because I did NOT sweat the whole time. But the man who was supposed to sit next to Hannah & I decided to move so I could have the whole row. It might have been the babe in arms or the red-faced lady... either way I was thrilled!

We had a layover in Denver, and thankfully, arrived on time. Unfortunately (remember, everything is working against us on this return), we managed to pull into the only gate in the Denver airport that still had a plane sitting there. We waited on the tarmac for that plane to pull out, for another 20 minutes. This pretty much eliminated any grace period we had coming into the airport, and by the time we deplaned from the back, required another mad dash to the next gate (we entered at gate C3 and departed to OKC from gate C67 - I think you can do the math.)

I sat in the furthest portion of the plane with all three kids. Fortunately, the flight attendants on this flight were caring enough to help a "single" dad of 3 with coloring books, early drinks/snacks, and some light-hearted entertainment. I commend this crew for their help. Megan can tell you about her equally pleasant trip between two "sticks" with an elbow in her ribs, and Mr. Armpits. Poor Jeff, I always wondered if he could fly alone with 3 kids. I now know he can do the entertaining of all 3. This flight was full & there were 2 of us still looking for a seat, I saw the first option... the middle seat between 2 shapely men (you can guess the shape) and I let the much more petite lady have that seat. The flight attendant informed me that there was another one up farther in the exit row, & asked if I'd be okay with that. I was not thinking about the extra tall people who tend to go for the exit row. I was thinking if something were to happen on this flight (which I was actually thinking could be a possibility with the way this day is going,) if I would be able to help all these strangers knowing my family is in the very back. I said a little prayer & took the seat. That's when I realized I was sandwiched between 2 TALL men. Tall men come with long legs & long arms.  Mr. Elbow & Mr. Armpit I also had my arms outstretched & crossed over one another on top of my knees, shoulders rounded, trying to keep my arms from touching. When his upper arms & shoulders weren't touching mine his were actually the same man. My window seat man was kind enough to cuddle with the window. But Aisle-Man was not as bothered by multiple body parts touching a complete stranger. I have  personal space issues. I sat with my legs crossed so tight, trying to get my thighs as far away from Aisle-Man's spread thighs.elbow was digging into my ribs. It wasn't like this the WHOLE time... He did put his hand behind his head a few times so I had an elbow hovering near my head & an armpit in my face. I longed to sit with my 3-ring circus, juggling monkeys right about now!

At the end, we're grateful to be home. Hopefully, you'll remember the 1 important lesson: don't worry about getting to the airport early. Just think of the consequences if you don't.
I have to desire to fly anywhere, anytime soon. If you want to see me, you'll have to come to Oklahoma!